


Soldier of Fortune

by levitatethis



Category: True Blood
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-03
Updated: 2009-10-03
Packaged: 2017-10-06 19:16:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/levitatethis/pseuds/levitatethis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On a mission for the Queen, Bill's life is completely changed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soldier of Fortune

_“I miss my head, miss my heart, miss my lungs.   
Be what you want to be,   
Watch what you want to see,   
Kill for fun.   
Down a hole   
Up a rope,   
Down some pills   
Up some hope,   
This karma machine only takes quarters,   
New age soldier,   
New age soldier.” _   
**-Matthew Good Band, _Everything is Automatic_ **

 

The learned lessons that made up Bill’s life—that is, the series of lives he had lived consecutively, one bleeding into the next—were a Brothers Grimm tale of imparted revelations encased in crimson red.

Being able to appreciate the momentary beauty in the middle of what could otherwise be described as chaos; was the bottled essence of his unending life. On the flipside—the dark side, it would seem—that occasional joy was the lapse itself, not the norm being slowly weeded out. It hadn’t been the other way around in quite some time.

He imagined that this was the price he paid for not just “meeting the sun.” That was the hypocrisy he clothed himself in. As much as he questioned what his existence should be, he was not ready to write a definitive ending for it yet. Maybe he was a glutton for punishment? Or a hopeless believer? Or maybe it was the simple fact that just the _taste_ of what was good—not cruel (that tasted fine once upon a time but had long become tainted)—was worth the pain of balancing the line between humans and vampires, while unable (and unwilling) to commit to either.

Walking that line had never been easy, but there was a time when the rewards far outweighed the risks. So it would have continued until the rules changed abruptly, pulling the rug out from beneath his feet.

_“Your assignment, should you choose to accept it…” _

He had no reason to turn it down. He had become an invaluable asset to Queen Sophia-Ann as one of the few vampires who could still conjure forth enough trace elements of humanity so as to appear less threatening to the human masses while maintaining an air of unwavering authority. Maneuvering swiftly, deftly, between the two worlds afforded him a trust from far up the vampire chain.

Even Eric was outranked.

_“You’ve been smart to make friends in high places,” he said drolly to Bill. “But you’re still a subject in my district. Don’t forget that. I know why you’re here.”_

It was straightforward. The marching orders were clear, the expectations definitive. All of Bill’s vampire nature honed in on one goal, attainable through careful, thoughtful, _human_, manipulation dressed up as sincerity.

_“Sookie Stackhouse.”_

Wide-eyed and welcoming, she was just enough off the beaten path to be most receptive to him as _other_. It was all part of the plan, black and white and a million shades of gray that exploded in technicolour.

How was he to know a kindred spirit would be found along the way in the crest of her wave?

_“I’ve heard she’s a special sort so special provisions will need to be made. Make her fall in love with you. It shouldn’t be too hard.”_

He had done it before with so many others (Lorena had been a disturbingly good teacher) that gender, race, age, religion didn’t matter. Human did as human did. And though it was a cliché to say she was different, she was; a fact that should have been inferred when the Queen first assigned him to the small town waitress. But he had wanted to believe he was above such transgressions, to insist that although he remembered his humanity it would never touch him as it once had (the pain of losing it still ached his body) to a detrimental, _emotional_, end.

The irony of the vampire: They had no heart but could be staked through it all the same.

He adjusted his swagger, the collected cool with which he had come to move, into a calm, but curious walk. He reined in his piercing stare transforming it into a more inquisitive gaze, deliberately sizing up those around him while maintaining an air of approachability. It would do no good to make more of an impression than the one Merlotte’s clientele had conjured forth based on hearsay and media grandstanding. For his voice he toned down the aggressive, disinterested yet jovial amusement he had grown accustomed to and settled on a plane between glamouring and sparked interest.

Bill made himself into the perfect vampire to catch Sookie’s eye, steal her heart, and turn her over to the Queen. It was business, after all, and Sookie’s reputation as a mind reader had traveled far beyond Bon Temps.

As it turned out, Sookie was the perfect human to break through over a century of defensively constructed battle walls, to slip like a drug into Bill’s subconscious and make his heart beat a tune from a distant lifetime.

God, luck, whatever supernatural being oversaw the way of the world, had a strange sense of humour.

Later Bill wondered if she had been as much a trap for him, set in place by factors beyond his control. Though he appreciated that she was not fearful of him from the start, her genuine interest in whom—_what_—he was, the thoughtfulness behind it, struck a contrast with his other experiences. With Sookie it was more of an innate desire to know than naivety, though that was certainly one part of it as well. Her willingness to fight for him, because helping someone who needed it was the right thing to do, was more a testament to her strength of mind than recklessness, but that risk taking could not be ignored either. Her want to believe in his goodness was powerful, ridiculous given his past, and far more than he deserved.

The line between the professional and the personal blurred. Bill fell. And he fell hard.

Unlike most vampires (like Eric, and age did play a factor) who disliked humans outright, to the point of seeing them as little more than food to eat or a pet to play with, Bill’s trace amounts of humanity were both a blessing and a curse. When the reality of blood laden immortality settled in he (begrudgingly at first) tried to embrace it. And a part of him _did_ revel in the con man traps Lorena taught him to execute, appreciating the delirious intensity of fear infused blood. Still, buyer’s remorse weighed down his shoulders, even if briefly, as he cast a discerning gaze on red-soaked sheets and splayed useless limbs.

So it went, the pattern continued even after he cut ties with his maker, and he twisted what amounted to a life into a conflicted existence.

Take. Yearn. Have. Desire. Demand. Miss…Appreciate.

Loving Sookie—being able to fall in love after so long—was the most startling twist of fate. There was an openness to her that made him smile, but she wasn’t a pushover. She gave as good as she got, many times more so, and although those moments rankled his resolve and his reason for being with her in the first place, he still struggled with the immense love he had come to undeniably feel. He was drawn to her desire to be a good person in the face of obvious judgment and cruelty from those around her who put up socially acceptable facades.

_“You are like no one I have ever known,” he said slowly, contemplatively, while gazing down at her lain out beneath him. He softly moved a stray lock of her blonde hair out of her eyes and she smiled, murmuring appreciatively. _

“You are a smooth talker.” She sighed and lightly tickled his chest with her fingers. “I’m not sure whether to be insulted or swoon.”

Bill chuckled. “I should imagine you would make an example out of me either way.”

Sookie pushed up, catching him off guard and flipped their positions so that she was the one straddling him. “Consider this lesson number one.”

When it was good it was very, very good. But when it was bad—

_“Bill,” Queen Sophia-Ann shook her head at him as she reclined on the pool chair. “I see we got attached.” _

He hated the way something that should sound endearing—the “we” emphasizing that they were supposed to be on the same side—sounded pitying and amused at his expense. He said nothing as she held his gaze then waved for him to take a seat on the empty lounge chair to her left. With a sigh he sat on the side of it with his feet planted firmly on the floor and rested his elbows on his knees.

After a drawn out few seconds, during which she closed her eyes as if to distract herself, she turned her face to his and lingered her gaze on him. With more reverence and dare he say a hint of sympathy, she said, “I don’t think you would have listened if I had warned you how it would turn out.”

“I love her.”

“Love is fleeting. I know that more than anyone. And now you do too.” She placed her hands palms down on the chair and sat up, sadness apparent in her careful movements. “I sent you for more than the fact that you’re from Bon Temps and had the necessary back story to return to your original home. I sent you because you could appeal to her emotions without getting emotional, you could be the humane vampire to her enhanced humanity. We’re lucky we haven’t lost her all together.”

“Have we not?” Bill argued flippantly.

The Queen spun around to sit on the side of the chair and crossed her right leg over the left. Her eyes blazed. “She trusts Eric, ironically. But at least he knows his place quite well. So yes, I consider this mission salvageable!”

Bill clenched his jaw at the truth they all knew far too well. He fisted his hands against his knees.

Unblinking, she continued. “There have been whisperings in my ear to reprimand you for misconduct unbecoming a vampire.”

Standing up she peered down at him. “But you have been a loyal subject and one of the best who have worked for me. Besides—,”

She placed her left hand under his chin and lifted his gaze to hers. “I can appreciate what you’ve lost.”

All the king’s soldiers and all the king’s men couldn’t put him back together again.

His anger was all encompassing. Eric had known what he was doing and had exploited the power he knew he had with a telling grin and daring eyes. Bill could (and did) fight back but Eric was not easily trifled with. And Sookie was not easily appeased in the face of such a betrayal.

_“You know, Eric may have tricked me that first time but at least he was honest about what he was willing to do,” Sookie angrily railed against him. “You are nothing but a liar.” _

“The fact that you see it fit to defend Eric while passing judgment on me in the same breath is too much.” Bill boomed. “You are not even willing to hear me out.”

“What more could you possibly say?” Sookie glared up at him, standing firmly in his space with her arms folded across her chest.

“Queen Sophia-Ann considered you a person of interest from whom she may need help some time. But she could not trust if the stories of your abilities were true, no matter that they first came from Hadley.” Bill fought to keep his hand at his side instead of firmly grabbing Sookie’s shoulders, to touch her again. “Given the strained tensions between humans and vampires, I was asked to approach you from a certain…vantage point.”

Sookie wrinkled her nose in disgust.

“For that masquerade I apologize,” Bill said sternly, the plea in his voice unmistakable. “But I will not apologize for falling in love with you. I will not ask your forgiveness for doing everything in my power to protect you and those you love. I will not say I am sorry for the feelings you have awakened in me that I thought were long gone. You—,”

Then he did take hold of her shoulders. “You are my heart.”

Sookie’s stoic resolve momentarily faltered and for a second Bill believed it would all be okay between them. But soon enough the defensive wall was back in place.

“And you are my sin,” she spit out. “You’re a monster. You have no heart. And you can’t have mine.”

Her friends surrounded her like a well-trained cavalry. They dared him to test their fortitude but he could see the uncertainty beneath their anger that he would give them a fight. He appreciated their steadfast dedication to her but it also reminded him that he was no longer welcome.

_“As a paying customer I’m obligated to serve you but I suggest you take your charms and walk that ass on up over to another less discerning establishment,” Lafayette said with an impassive expression. _

Shot down for the second time in an attempt to inquire about Sookie, Bill turned from the bar in time to see Tara step into his space.

Her blistering rage practically jumped off her. “Oh hell no! You are not fucking here pretending to be sorry in some fucking misguided belief that my friend will roll over to expose some sort of motherfucking welcome sign on her back. You better back up out of here or I’ll be inclined to go postal on your ass. I don’t care if you are some vampire!”

The excruciatingly tense stare down between them was only broken by Sam.

“Tara!”

Sam’s holler caused her to flinch and Bill tilted his head to the left side, acknowledging Sam’s presence without turning around to meet his eyes.

“I believe Mr. Compton was leaving,” Sam said firmly. “He just stopped in for a final goodbye.”

Bill looked over his shoulder to meet Sam’s unwavering stare; the one that said, ‘if I could rescind an invitation to this place you’d be out of here so fast your head would spin.’

Bill rolled his eyes and nodded, not submissively but respectfully, and headed for the door.

What they did not know, or severely underestimated, was the strength of his resolve. Heartbroken as he was he did not crumble under displeasure. He kept moving forward, wiser, more broken, more determined. He had survived too much to lose his way—but her memory labored his steps and pressed down regret more heavily.

Bill learned to compartmentalize. The love he felt was safely kept locked away, untouched by everything else around him that took over the hours and the subsequent days of his life. Strangely enough, _knowing_ that all these varied lifetimes had led him in an act of fate to Sookie—that she and him were meant to be—made it easier to deny himself the instant gratification of here and now. After all, there was always one day.

He dove headfirst into work, be it the international vampire database or investigating complaints within the vampire community, district to district, that made up the Queendom; both done at her behest. Once in awhile, and more often than Bill cared for, he had to work alongside Eric (or at least remain cordial within his proximity). It was a test of will to not risk his life and let Eric know nothing was forgiven. Bill despised the chesire smirk that quirked up the Sheriff’s lips, but he was as much to blame for his own situation and bit his tongue accordingly.

Eric had taken the plain truth, the one that did not understand context or feelings, the one that only existed within the unfathomable overly simplistic black and white with no room for explanation, and used it to take away the one person that made Bill believe in happiness again. Bill would have appreciated the tactical brilliance of the calculated moves if it had not come at his own expense.

The one thing that gave Bill pause was the way Sookie seemed to be holding herself in check around Eric, as if she refused to let him exert more influence or control than she willingly allowed, lest she lose herself in the process. As such Sookie may never forgive Bill but she has also learned not to automatically turn a blind eye to Eric. She had become much more careful, protective of her heart once more.

In an attempt to stay on a focused path, Bill spent more time with Jessica, trying to help her work through the still relatively new and frightening experience of being a vampire. She refused to deny what being a vampire entailed—for nutrition or defense she would need to learn how to feed or fight properly (a fact that still raised issues of nervousness and worry with her beau Hoyt)—and Bill finally acquiesced, realizing that to ignore that did her no good but to de-claw her while sending her unprepared into the big bad world. He saw how strained her relationship with Hoyt could get, no matter how much they tried to understand each other and awkwardly walk a precarious middle ground, but the honesty of what they obviously felt for each other brought a small smile to his otherwise cynical lips.

For his own part as time went by, Bill took up with the rare vampire or human. Mostly it was for the sake of fleeting companionship, though there were times when he simply needed a release. He never hid that (almost two centuries of experience made the inclination to cover up such realities a waste of time) going so far as to take his ‘dates’ to Merlotte’s for a drink. He could suppose all he wanted that it was because he lived in Bon Temps and had the same right as anyone else to drink where he pleased, but it didn’t hurt that he could show Sookie he was moving on in the hopes that a part of her still loved him and ached for the loss of what they had the way he did for her.

Over time their conversations, in front of uninvited eyes, went from cool and distant to acceptably polite. Bill considered that maybe the real truth was that he wanted Sookie to understand that no matter what had gone down between them, there had been a truth to it that should be not be tossed aside in a fit of frustration, fury or despair. Their love _had_ been real.

It was all a far more complicated a mess than it should be.

In the end, Bill soldiered on.

 

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End file.
